Well, it is Sunday evening and this week has been amazing. The old Jen wouldn’t say boo to a goose, the old Jen was the one hiding in a corner on a night out or getting so drunk that I was not self conscious! The old Jen never would draw attention to herself and hated herself! The old Jen hasn’t gone completely I would be lying if I said she has. The Jen I am today is a mixture of the new Jen I hope I am becoming and the old Jen who I really don’t want to be any more. I wish the old Jen would completely disappear but these things can not possibly happen overnight.
So this week started with a couple of inset days, my counselling session (I’m not ashamed to admit I have counselling, if I needed help for a physical illness I would post so there’s no difference in my eyes!), and the exciting things in life like food shopping!! The week also started with a spot of shopping for all my necessary accessories for the Slimming World Ball!
Then this happened on Thursday….
I made the front cover of Take a Break magazine and my story was on a double spread inside! It feels so surreal to see yourself on the front of a magazine you know is on sale up and down the country! I am really happy with how my story was written and how I feel I come across in it. In an ideal world there is so much more about my story and my life I wish I could have shared. However, the magazine obviously know what their readers want, the space they have, and the legalities of what they can and can’t publish so I’m happy with what is there! I’ve bought a few copies to keep and one to send to my Grandma! Ben was so proud to show his friends at school too.
The rest of this week was predominantly spent hunting down the right accessories for my outfit for the ball and I’m ever greatful to my best friend (also called Jen!) who scoured the shops with me when looking for a dress and the right accessories!! I have never been to an event like this and never had a reason to dress up and certainly never had the figure to have a choice of outfits! I wish my confidence would catch up as I still feel fat in clothes and I still am nervous that certain outfits would draw people’s attention to me and that’s just not my nature. I have always been someone to shy away from attention and avoid social occasions if I can. My confidence is building slowly but I am aware it’s a long road. I guess when you’ve spent years being put down and made to feel inferior, not being allowed to wear make up without accusations, or living in men’s jogging bottoms because you hate your body so much you just want to hide away, it isn’t going to magically disappear overnight. I only wear women’s clothes now and love dresses, I’m getting more comfortable to know I can wear make up, and my confidence is growing! The dress I chose I felt confident in, it made me feel slim, sexy and not self conscious so when I tried it on I had to have it. I couldn’t find any shoes to match that I liked though despite searching high and low, well until the morning of the ball when rooting in my wardrobe for some other shoes I came across some lovely glittery silver heels I had forgotten I had bought! They matched well and I now vow to sort out my shoes and see what other delights I can find!
So, the day of the ball came, we got to meet and have our photo taken with Jason Donovan and a miracle happened……I didn’t faint!! Jason was my idol as a youngster, I was going to marry him and he sung those songs to me because we were a perfect match, or so the 7 year old Jen believed! The seven year old Jen was so amazed to meet Jason and wanted to tell him that I was his biggest fan, the 35 year old Jen thought he was a lovely friendly man and a pleasure to meet though didn’t live up to the expectations that I had built up inside over the years! We won’t get the photo until the end of the year but watch this space! The evening was full of posh frocks, dinner suits and plenty of weight loss inspiration! The stories were amazing and to hear other peoples stories of how Slimming World had changed their lives like it’s changed mine was wonderful! Lots of wine was consumed and the food was lovely but not really that “on plan”, neither was breakfast, but it was 24 hours, any gain from that will come off eventually so I know I will get it off soon enough. I promised pictures so here are a couple of pictures of me and my amazing man Stuart.
Gorgeous dress don’t you think? I loved it and felt amazing! There were so many gorgeous dresses there I truly had major dress envy!! I met so many lovely and amazing people it was a truly amazing night.
Jason Donovan presented the awards which was nice but the best bit was most definitely him singing some of my childhood favourites! Seeing Jason now after all these years was great but Stuart was still the only man I would ever have gone home with, he might not have been my ideal man when I was seven years old but he is now and he made me feel like a princess for the night which was so amazing I never wanted the night to end. Being with a man who constantly calls you beautiful and is proud of you and not ashamed to be seen with you, is an alien feeling to me based on previous relationships but it’s a feeling I really love and never want to lose! I still had moments this week of feeling down, I always will and when you’re having an amazing week and depression sinks in but I know that slowly things will improve and I have the support I need now.
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