A New Chapter – Rediscovering Myself

It is the start of 2017 and we all have resolutions and plans for the year ahead. Some people aim high with a plan that will change their life permanently, others aim for a month of no alcohol for example. I have had various resolutions in the past, most have been given up by the middle of January! This year I am sharing with you my aims and hopes for the year ahead and ultimately for the longer term too. I am doing this partly because by writing it down and sharing it I will be more committed but also because I feel that my readers who have followed my weight loss and read about me will understand and maybe relate to what I am saying.

My hopes and aims for 2017 and beyond
I have always lacked confidence and this has been compounded by experiencing domestic abuse and having my confidence knocked further. As someone who was always obese (morbidly obese for a number of those years) I was never interested in clothes and make up because I just wanted to hide away and blend into the background.
Now that I have lost weight and due to being in a happy relationship feel more comfortable with myself I feel it is time to address my self esteem issues. Instead of always hiding away wearing dark clothes or buying clothes I have seen others wearing or that are in the sales and good value I want to find my own style. I want to discover what clothes I like and what actually suits me rather than sticking to the old Jen habits of buying things because they are on offer and then deciding they look ok etc. Since losing weight I have bought clothes but they are all so different and many still have the same theme of dark colours, clothes other people wear or whatever is in the sales in my size. I hardly ever buy clothes at full price and rarely buy or even try on anything out of my comfort zone.

A typical old Jen – Dark t-shirt and joggers
Again typical old Jen – T shirt and joggers
I would love to be able to go into a shop and have the confidence to try on clothes in bright colours and unusual styles to see what I like and what I feel good in. I often see people wearing outfits and wish I had the confidence to wear things like that. Some people seem to ooze confidence and don’t always go for the conservative options and I really want to be able to be like that. The same goes for make up and hair styles, again I have always been very plain and tried to blend in but now I realise that is the old Jen. The old Jen didn’t want to stand out, she didn’t want to risk being accused of dressing up for someone else or embarrass herself by wearing clothes that didn’t fit her huge figure. Looking back at photos like those above I can see even the t shirts and jogging bottoms rarely fitted properly as I squeezed in too small sizes often kidding myself I wasn’t as big as I was. The old Jen desperately wanted to be just average.

Easily slipping back into the old habits of
a dark jumper and simple blue jeans!

So, how will I change?
This year and beyond I am going to be braver and try new clothes that are out of my comfort zone. I will still have days where I wear clothes like above but I am determined that wont be all the time. I am going to look towards being more adventurous with my make up. I want to still be the average woman that I am, I don’t want to suddenly become someone that looks out of place wherever I go but neither do I want to completely blend in. I want to try new things and find who I am and what I want to wear. I would like to be more sociable and address my self esteem issues and have a stronger belief in myself. I am going to take myself out of my comfort zone more to make new friends and try and be more outgoing. Next time I do the Great North Run I will smile and chat to people on the way around as others did this year instead of keeping my head down hoping not to make eye contact with anyone! I will join in more activities at my sons school and get to know more people. I would love to be able to suggest to other mums I see every morning (though there isn’t many as it is a special school with most children getting buses) that we go for a coffee one day. By the end of this year and continuing into the future I am determined that I will find who Jen really is as a person and who I want to be. I will no longer let the people from my past dictate what I should wear or how I should talk to people. My life is mine and mine alone and I will take control of it and rediscover myself.

This took a lot of courage to wear this but I felt amazing
I want to have this confidence more.

Over the coming weeks and months I will share with you how I am trying to change and improve these aspects of myself. I will share any tips I discover that may help others in a similar position. I will share with you any products I use, clothes I buy and discoveries I make. As I type this I am sitting feeling big because I have gained a bit of weight over Christmas and I am wearing jogging bottoms and a hoodie because I am feeling lazy and after taking Ben to school I am taking all the Christmas decorations down! I don’t mind having days wearing things like this if its for comfort and necessary but I do not want to go back to the previous Jen who lived in clothes like this. Throughout the year I will share selfies, good and bad of my journey and hopefully by this time next year I will be wearing make up more often and feeling lots better about myself. I wouldn’t object too if this time next year I was a millionaire but hey you cant have everything!! A girl can dream though cant she – it worked for Del Boy Trotter (Only Fools and Horses)!

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1 Comment

  1. January 6, 2017 / 6:32 pm

    I really loved this post! I very rarely step out of my comfort zone, but this has inspired me to put more colours in my wardrobe and care less about what other people think.

    Coralle x | onlycoralle.com

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