This week for my coffee break chat I am talking to the lovely Laura who blogs over at Mama, Eden and Me about her two mum fairytale adventure. Laura is in a same sex relationship and has a beautiful daughter. Mama, Eden and Me is a blog which talks about difficulties conceiving, conceiving using a sperm donor, same sex parenting, and just the ups and downs of parenting from a mums perspective. Laura talks so openly about their journey to become a family and it really is a great read.
First things first we need a cuppa to have a chat! What do you drink tea or coffee? And do you like biscuits with a cuppa? What are your favourites?
Coffee! Always coffee! Preferably a vanilla latte, and you can’t go wrong with shortbread cookies.
I’ve read a lot of your blog but my readers may have never come across it before can you tell us a bit about it please?
It’s a two mum adventure in raising our fairy princess. We had a long infertility journey so this is our happy ending – ogres and all.
Why did you chose to start your blog? And how long have you been blogging for now?
I love to write! I always have, so blogging was something that came naturally to me. I’ve been blogging for about four years, but not seriously.
You have talked about difficulty conceiving and issues such as that in having a baby. Is this something you find has helped you talking about it?
Most definitely. Talking about it introduced me to a whole community of people all over the world who were in similar situations – some of which I am still friends with now although we’ve never met. Plus it made me realise that we weren’t alone. I learnt a lot about infertility from people on similar journeys.
As gay parents you talk openly about this and how you feel about explaining the judgements of others as your daughter is growing up. Do you face a lot of discrimination?
At the moment, not really. We do get the occasional homophobic comments but they are towards Amy and I – I do dread when Eden is older though and she notices these things. We have always said we will teach her that all families are made up of love and all families are special. I don’t think it’s about putting her on a pedestal – it’s about normalising different families and helping her be happy to be who she is.
From your journey with conceiving in a same sex relationship and parenting as two mums have you found anything has surprised you in people’s reactions?
Definitely! We both have elderly grandmothers and I have to say I was worried about their reaction – different generations and all that. But everyone has been so awesome and Eden has been treated essentially like any other new baby. There’s one homophobic aunt but we already knew she would be like that so we’re not too bothered.
I personally don’t think that same sex parenting is seen in society as normal yet because there isn’t enough in the media to make it become the norm if that makes sense. Children still find it interesting and unusual. I hope that this changes as I am sure you do too. What do you think the media could do better in order to make it more socially normal and less of a controversial subject?
Again, just normalise it more. Stop making it “different” and just let same sex families pop up like every other family. Kind of like how in Friends, the fact that Ben had two mums AND a dad was just a thing. And people accepted if. It wasn’t put on a pedestal – it was just a family and it worked.
I also think schools could do a lot more in terms of incorporating different families into reading materials and such – not just same sex but single parents, coparenting agreements, kids being raised by grandparents etc etc. Just make it all as normal as each other if you know what I mean.
I have always explained to my son who is 11 (but due on his special needs his social understanding etc is mentally younger) that anyone can love anyone as long as they don’t hurt them or upset them. I find it so puzzling hearing people say they don’t know how to explain it to kids so it must drive you crazy too?!
It really is as simple as that! And I wish more parents did what you are doing. A lot of people seem to think that explaining about same sex couples involves explaining about sex, which it really doesn’t. I quite often hear that parents don’t want to “ruin their kid’s innocence” by telling them about gay couples. To that I usually ask if my daughter is innocent or not. Families are made of love, not a combination of genitals.
Is there any advice you can offer any of my readers who are in same sex relationships and want to start a family but are worried about discrimination etc?
Just do you. Be proud of who you are, be proud of your family and teach your child the same. Our first midwife wasn’t the nicest about it and we ended up moving hospital because of that and some other issues – so I would also say don’t be afraid to stand your ground or go elsewhere if you need to. All families are different, so if you make it work for you, you’ll be fine. Just demand the respect that you deserve, just like every other family.
What do you love most about parenting? And what is your biggest struggle?
I love this little human that changes every day. It still blows my mind that I grew her from an egg and a pot of sperm – haha. Having a daughter is everything I thought it would be. The biggest struggle for me is how 100% is it. Like, you just don’t get a break. And juggling work too is hard.
If my readers want to read more about you and your family or follow you on social media where can they find you?
We’re on Facebook mamaedenandme
And you can find the blog at www.weforgotthesperm.com
Every week on Just Average Jen I have a cuppa with someone different so you can find more blogs to read, more inspiring people, or just have a few minutes to yourself reading something different. Remember to keep coming back to see who else I feature and do contact me if you think you would be a great person for me to feature. To read my previous coffee break chats click here.
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