How to Get What You Want in Your Job: A Step-by-Step Guide
We spend a massive chunk of our lives at work. In fact, the average person will spend roughly 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime. That is a staggering amount of time. It makes sense that you would want those hours to be happy ones. You want to feel valued and get what you want out of the role. You want to be paid fairly. And you likely want to have a bit of a life outside of the office, too.
But here is the tricky bit. Most of us just wait for good things to happen. We hope our boss will notice how hard we work. We hope they will offer us a pay rise without us asking. We hope they will say “take Friday off” just because.
I have learnt the hard way that it rarely works like that. If you want something in your career, you usually have to ask for it. That can feel scary.
The good news is that asking for what you want is a skill. It is not something you are born with. It is something you can learn. Over the years, I have found that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
This guide is going to walk you through how to ask for what you want and deserve. Whether you want a higher salary, more flexible hours, or just a bit more respect, these steps will help you get there.
What do you actually want?
This sounds like a silly question. You might think you know exactly what you want. But take a moment to really think about it. If you don’t know what you want, how will you get what you want?
Sometimes we think we want more money, when really we are just burnt out and need more time off. Or maybe we think we want a promotion, but what we actually hate is our current manager.
If you ask for a pay rise but you are still working 60 hours a week for a boss who shouts at you, that extra money will not make you happy for long.
Grab a piece of paper and write down your dream work situation. Be specific. Do not just write “more money”. Write down a number. Do not just write “better hours”. Write down “I want to finish at 4 pm on Fridays”. If you know what you want, then you stand a better chance of discussing to get what you want.
When you are clear on the details, the next steps become much easier. It also helps you explain your case to your boss. If you are vague, they will give you a vague answer. If you are specific, they have to give you a specific answer.
How do you build a strong case?
You cannot just walk into a meeting and demand things. Well, you can, but it probably will not end well. You need proof that you deserve it to get what you want.
Think of yourself as a lawyer in a courtroom. Your boss is the judge. You need to present evidence to win your case.
Start keeping a “brag file”. This is a document where you write down everything you do well. Did you finish a project early? Write it down. Did a client send you an email saying thank you? Save it. Did you save the company money? Make a note of exactly how much.
I keep a folder in my email inbox called “Wins”. Every time someone says “good job”, I drag that email into the folder. When review time comes around, I have a whole list of reasons why I am valuable. This is how to work towards the goal to get what you want!
If you are asking for a salary increase, you also need to know what you are worth in the market. Do not guess. Look at job websites. Talk to recruiters. Find out what other companies pay for your role.
Websites like Glassdoor and Payscale are brilliant for this. They can tell you the average salary for your job title in your city. If you are being paid £30,000 but the average is £35,000, you have a very strong argument.
When is the best time to ask?
Timing is everything to get what you want. You could have the best argument in the world, but if you ask at the wrong time, the answer will be no.
I once asked for a promotion the day after our company lost its biggest client. Everyone was stressed. My boss was worried about losing his own job. It was not the right moment. Unsurprisingly, he said no.
Try to pick a time when things are going well. Maybe you have just finished a big project. Maybe the company has just announced good financial results.
Also, pay attention to your boss’s mood. If they look stressed or angry, wait for another day. You want them to be relaxed and open to listening.
Fridays can be good because people are often in a better mood before the weekend. But Monday mornings are usually bad because everyone is rushing to catch up on emails.
How do you ask for a pay rise?
This is the big one to get what you want. Talking about money makes most British people uncomfortable. We are taught that it is rude to talk about cash. But in business, it is essential.
When you are ready to ask and get what you want, book a proper meeting. Do not just catch your boss in the kitchen while they are making tea. Send a calendar invite. Call it something simple like “Career Review” or “Performance Chat”.
When you are in the room, be direct. Do not apologise. Do not say “I am sorry to ask this, but…” or “I know money is tight, however…”.
Instead, to get what you want, try saying something like this:
“I have really enjoyed working on [Project X] and I am proud of the results we achieved. I have been doing some research on the market rates for my role. Based on my performance and the current market, I would like to request a salary adjustment to £[Amount].”
Then stop talking.
This is the hardest part. We often want to fill the silence because we are nervous. We start rambling and making excuses. Do not do it. Make your request and wait. Let them think. Let them be the next ones to speak.
If they say yes immediately, that is fantastic. Get what you want in writing.
If they say they need to check the budget, ask when you can follow up. Do not let it drift for months. Set a date for the next chat where you may get what you want at a review.
What if you want flexible working?
Since the pandemic, more people want to work from home or change their hours. In the UK, you have a legal right to request flexible working from day one of your job. Your employer has to consider it seriously.
When you ask for this, focus on how it helps the company. Do not just say “I want to work from home because I hate commuting”. Say “I find I can focus much better on detailed reports when I work from home because it is quieter”.
Show them that you have thought about how it will work. If you want to leave early on Fridays, explain how you will make sure your work is still done. Maybe you will start earlier on other days. Maybe you will check your emails in the evening.
Reassure them that if you get what you want, you will still be available for meetings. The biggest worry managers have is that they will not be able to reach you when they need you.
How do you handle rejection?
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the answer is no. That stings. I remember feeling embarrassed and angry when a request of mine was turned down. I wanted to quit on the spot.
But try not to take it personally. A “no” today does not mean “no” forever.
If they say no, ask why. Ask “What would I need to achieve to get to that salary level?” or “What conditions would need to be met for flexible working to be possible?”
This turns the “no” into a plan. Now you have a target. If they say “you need to manage a team first”, then you know your goal. You can work towards it, then get what you want.
If the reason is “we have no budget”, ask when the budget will be reviewed.
However, if you keep hitting a brick wall, you have to be honest with yourself: Will you actually get what you want today? Maybe it is worth trying another company. If you have shown your value and they still will not give you what you want, it might be time to look elsewhere. Sometimes the only way to get a big pay jump or better conditions is to move to a new company.
Why is confidence so important?
A lot of this comes down to confidence. You have to believe you are worth it. If you do not believe it, your boss won’t either.
Many of us suffer from “imposter syndrome“. This is the feeling that you are not actually good at your job and everyone is about to find out. It is very common. Even CEOs feel like this sometimes.
To build your confidence, look back at your “brag file”. Read those positive emails. Remind yourself of your skills to get what you want.
Before a big meeting to get what you want, I like to do a bit of preparation to calm my nerves. I write down what I want to say in bullet points. I practice saying the sentences out loud. It feels a bit silly talking to the mirror, but it helps. It means the first time I say the words “I want a pay rise”, I am not stumbling over them in front of my boss.
Also, remember that your boss is just a person. They have their own worries and stresses. They are not a monster. They want the team to be happy because it makes their life easier. Keeping you happy is actually good for them. Replacing staff is expensive and time-consuming. They would much rather give you a small raise than have to interview ten new people to replace you.
How do relationships help?
Getting what you want is not just about one big meeting. It is about the relationships you build every day.
If you are helpful, kind, and reliable, people will want to help you, and you may get what you want. If you are difficult or constantly complaining, people will be less likely to do you favours.
Build a network inside your company. Get to know people in other departments. Understand what the business goals are to get what you want.
When you understand the bigger picture, you can frame your requests and get what you want in a way that fits the company’s goals. If the company is trying to save money, suggest an idea that cuts costs and ask for a percentage of the savings as a bonus. If the company is trying to expand into a new city, offer to lead that project in exchange for a promotion.
What about non-financial perks?
Sometimes, there really is no money available for you to get what you want. If a company is struggling, they cannot invent cash. But that does not mean you cannot get something else.
Think about other things that would make your life better. Could you ask for:
- More holiday days?
- Paid training or courses?
- A better job title?
- A budget for a home office setup?
- A dedicated parking space?
These things often cost the company less than a salary hike but can make a big difference to your happiness.
You may work for a charity that has very little money. They could pay for a professional qualification instead of offering a pay rise. That course may cost £2,000 and be worth more in the long run than a small monthly pay rise.
Summary of your action plan
So, let us recap. You are not going to sit and wait anymore. You are going to get what you want and take control.
- Define it: Write down exactly what you want.
- Prove it: Gather your evidence and check market rates.
- Book it: Set a proper meeting time.
- Ask it: Be clear, direct, and polite.
- Listen: Hear their answer and ask “why” or “how” if it is a no.
It takes bravery. The first time you get what you want, your heart will race. But I promise it gets easier. And the feeling of walking out of that room knowing you stood up for yourself? That is unbeatable.
You work hard. You bring value. You deserve to be rewarded for that. So go and ask for it, get what you want.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my boss gets angry when I ask for a raise?
It is very rare for a boss to get angry just because you asked, provided you ask politely. If they do get angry or aggressive, that is a red flag. It shows a lack of respect. In that case, you might want to consider if this is a safe and healthy place for you to work long-term.
How often should I ask for a pay rise?
Usually, once a year is standard. Most companies have an annual review process. However, if your role changes significantly, for example, if you take on a lot more responsibility or manage more people, you can ask immediately. You do not have to wait for the 12-month mark if the job has changed to get what you want.
Can I ask for a raise via email?
It is better to have the conversation face-to-face or on a video call to get what you want. Email can be easily ignored or misinterpreted. You can use email to book the meeting, but do the actual asking in person. It shows confidence and allows you to read their reaction.
What if I have a counteroffer from another company?
This can be a powerful tool. If another company offers you a job at a higher salary, you can tell your current boss. Say “I love working here, but I have been offered a role elsewhere for £5,000 more. Can you match it?” Be careful, though. You have to be prepared to leave if they say no. Do not bluff.
Is it okay to discuss my salary with colleagues?
In the UK, you have a legal right to discuss pay for the purpose of finding out if there is discrimination (for example, if men are being paid more than women for the same work). However, it can cause tension in the office. Be discreet if you get what you want. It is often better to research market rates online than to ask the person sitting next to you.
Next steps for you
Now that you have the knowledge, it is time to act. Do not put this off.
Start small if you need to. Create your “brag file” today. Just open a document and write down three things you did well this week. That is step one.
Then, do some research. Spend ten minutes on a salary checker website. Just seeing the numbers can give you a huge boost of confidence.
You are the only person who cares as much about your career as you do. No one else is going to do this for you. Take a deep breath, prepare your case, and go get what you want.
