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A few weeks ago marked 5 years since my divorce finally came through. It was a long process but well worth it. Fortunately, I didn’t have a property with my ex-husband but that didn’t make it simple, unfortunately.
The animosity and such makes these things all a bit stressful though doesn’t it? Here are a few tips to help you beat the stress of getting a divorce and come out the other side smiling.
Be kind to yourself
However much this is your choice or what you know you want it will still have tough moments. Ensuring you treat yourself with a new book, a glass of gin or perhaps even a weekend away with some close friends?
When you have an appointment that you know may be tough plan something to do afterwards so you are not on your own. Simply arranging a coffee with your friend could make all the difference.
Get professional help
Whilst it is possible to do a divorce without any professionals or with minimal support from them it adds to the stress. Unless you truly know what you are doing and everything is very straightforward with no animosity then I would say you should avoid this.
Every area has good family solicitors and if you can go on recommendations this is ideal If not a simple search such as family solicitors in London will bring up your choices for your local area.
A divorce may also change your plans about how you want your property to be dealt with if something happens to you. A good will solicitor can help you make a new will and prepare a power of attorney to give you some peace of mind.
Write a list and prioritise
When you have to share everything and decide who gets to keep what it can be stressful. By simply writing a list of the things you really want/need the most you can take some of this stress away.
Remember that whilst it is not ideal, money can replace items and the priority should be around sentimental things that can not be replaced.
Do you have family heirlooms or perhaps something which really means a lot to you that you most definitely would be lost without? These must be at the top of your list.
Anything else you can agree to have is a bonus but how would you feel if you only had all the white goods from the kitchen but not your child’s baby clothes? Could you live with that?
Do not blame yourself
It is easy to blame yourself for the breakdown of your marriage but these things are all in the past now. Concentrate on getting your divorce sorted to move on with your life.
Whilst when you marry, you imagine it to be for life it has not happened that way. This is fine, try not to dwell on that because it really is ok.
Think of the children
If you have children, or even pets for that matter, be sure to ensure their life is disrupted as much as possible. They may not understand what is happening so will need reassurance that everything will be ok and perhaps explaining you have a lot on at the moment but still love them.
Do you have any other tips that will help someone currently going through a divorce? If you are divorced, what did you find helped you?