It feels like ages since I have written a post just about me and how life is going so far. I know it hasn’t been that long but it sure feels like it so I thought I would update you all. If you follow me on social media you may have seen the odd post about things that are going on in my life at the moment and my upcoming surgery.
I have tried to be positive and be as normal as possible so the few posts I have shared would be easily missed. I am aware that Ben reads my blog and as such will be as honest as I can whilst of course not worrying him should he read this. Obviously at the moment his Xbox is far too important so he may miss it anyway!
So, as the title of this post suggests, surgery is part of my life at the moment. I am on the urgent waiting list for a hemithyroidectomy and nodule removal operation. This basically means I am having a lump removed from my thyroid along with half of the thyroid gland. If you don’t know the Thyroid gland is in your neck. It is a butterfly shaped gland that controls a lot of the body’s hormones. It is around the size of your two thumbs together in a V shape. The lump has probably been growing there for around two years. I only discovered it in around February this year.
After numerous tests, including a biopsy in August, the decision has now been made that it needs removing in surgery. As the lump, tumour, growth, nodule, or whatever you want to call it is pretty big now that means an operation. In August I had an ultrasound which found it to be 6.5cm and quite round. This is the size of an average apple (hence the photo above). The results of the biopsy were inconclusive so the only way to check for malignancy is through removal. There is an 85% chance it is benign though so the odds are in my favour.
I am currently planning what I need for my hospital bag and will be sharing a post about that in the next few days or so to ask your advice and suggestions of anything I may have missed! I will only be in 1-2 nights after the operation so it isn’t too bad. The recovery at home will include not being able to drive for a while so I am not looking forward to that!
What’s that? As the silly lump has grown it seems to be affecting my sleep quite a lot so I am always tired and needing daytime naps. This however is probably also a sign that I am getting old and more and more like my Grandma by the day! I do hope I grow old gracefully – or at least not too disgracefully! Currently I feel like a permanently shattered zombie. If you know me personally or see me around the local area and I look at you confused or I forget something I have agreed to do please forgive me. Remember you are lucky, poor Stuart and Ben have to live with me, and my snoring!
I often share with you about my depression and this is no exception. Admittedly I am really struggling with all of this going on. I guess this is pretty normal and others would feel the same but of course, that doesn’t stop me stressing! The support I have is great and I am hoping the news after the operation is all good and I can get back to normal, whatever that is.
Of course, if it is news that requires further treatments or more surgery I will deal with that when it comes but for the moment I am trying (often failing) to put that out of my mind. My focus at the moment is on being as happy as I can be and enjoying life. Life is too short for cleaning so I am on a little bit of a strike from that. To be fair that is a bit of a lie but I am certainly not letting it get to me if the dust sometimes mounts up.
When you are unwell and self employed it isn’t as easy as going off sick for an operation. I am keeping going and trying to just get on with things. Whilst this is not always easy I need to remember that the reality is I need to keep going because otherwise I know my depression will only get worse if I am not busy. I am actually enjoying being busy with my blog too. It is something I really enjoy and as such it takes my mind of things sometimes. Other times I just want to curl up and cry, we can’t always be ok though can we. Every rainbow needs rain so I am sure this will be ok in the end and as bright as a rainbow!
I hope you are well and life is treating you nicely. Do comment and say hello, let me know how you are, and show I am not just talking to myself!
Jen please know that you aren’t alone in going through this. So many of us are rooting for you! It is normal for your mood and energy to waver too! You’re human girl. Sending you virtual hugs from me and my twinnie. Hope the boys spoil you too.
I can’t wait for you to get sorted Jen! It would seem after you get your physical health back on track, everything else will improve off the back of that.