I know many of my followers and readers found my blog due to my amazing weight loss of over 10 stone. Still I can’t believe I did that, I lost over 10 stone in 15 months with 8 stone of that in 37 weeks. I kept it off for over a year. My story though will never end and here is why.
Of course in that year I had ups and downs but I was never more than around half a stone away from my target weight. This year (2016/7) though things have changed. I have struggled so I want to be honest and share this with you. I hope you understand and continue to follow my journey that will never end.
My weight loss
This photo is one I am probably most well known for. It shows my weight loss transformation in my knickers and it is scary how dramatic the difference is isn’t it? I went from a size 30 approximately to a size 6-8. Honestly, I loved the new me and whilst some people would consider a 6-8 as too thin. I don’t think I looked too thin and was very comfortable at that size.
Maintaining my weight loss wasn’t too hard for the first year, I continued to follow Slimming World and eating healthily was my new lifestyle. I didn’t miss my old life as a morbidly obese binge eater who would consume extortionate amounts of biscuits and eat out or order take away food every week! How could anyone miss that? I went on holiday and loved being able to wear bikinis and feel amazing. My life had changed in other ways too I was happy with my partner Stuart and my son Ben.
Where it all went wrong
So what changed? In October 2016 when we came back from holiday I had gained a bit of weight and stopped running so much. I had done what many people do and enjoyed my holiday not worrying about the weight. The following month I struggled a lot more with my depression. I started to comfort eat a bit more and the self-care went out of the window and weight crept on a little. The weather was pretty rubbish. I didn’t fancy going out running in the rain and feeling down didn’t motivate me.
Before I knew it we had Christmas, both I and Stuart fell into the trap of buying unhealthy snacks over Christmas with the plan of “getting back on it” in January. We enjoyed drinks of Baileys, tubes of Pringles, boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine. We were happy, we had a lovely family over-indulgent Christmas and New Year. The weight just crept on though but of course we were happy with each other and didn’t worry.
The New Year came and we drew the line and other than the odd few meals out we have eaten on plan healthy meals since. We all know it isn’t just the meals though is it! I tried to stay on plan but still sneaked the odd few extra snacks in. Every time I looked at myself though I was happy enough with what I saw. Whilst I had gained weight I still felt comfortable with myself so didn’t feel motivated to change.
Problems that contributed to my weight – a story that will never end
In around March I decided to start running again. I had to build up gradually because I had not run for so long but I was keen to get running again, probably helped by the improvement in weather! It wasn’t meant to be though and problems with my asthma stopped me. Now we are in August and my asthma is much better but still not great. I worry I wont be able to run again. It has proved extremely difficult for the doctors to find medication to control my asthma effectively which has been hard to accept.
I have been getting quite depressed. I worry that my asthma will never be at a level I can run again. Additionally I worry about various other things, all the things that are the foundations of my depression, it isn’t easy. This has led me to comfort eat for a few months now. Sneaking bits in here and there. As my weight has therefore crept up I have hated myself more and more and it has been a downward spiral.
Throughout the months of comfort eating I have continued to attend my Slimming World group and despite still gaining I know if I hadn’t kept going I would easily have gained more. I am ashamed of what I have become, I hope as you are reading this you understand that I am only human and don’t judge me. Of course I really never wanted to be like I am now again but the reality is I am.
How I feel now about my weight
Whilst I am currently around a size 12 and creeping into a 14. I guess I am still a long way away from how big I was when I started my weight loss journey. Mentally I feel I am much closer than I actually am. The old habits have been creeping back in. I have been eating packs of flapjacks that are designed for a family all to myself. Also I have bought packets of biscuits and pigged out on those. I have been missing meals because I am so full of the junk I have been eating.
I need to stop, I need to be open and share with you all these struggles and also show that despite losing over 10 stone I am human too. We all have the same struggles. I am going to take ownership of this now though and sort myself out. Realistically I cant keep eating in secret and gaining weight.
I can’t keep hating myself because of the way I am heading. I am going back to old habits from years ago before I lost weight and I know where that will lead. It will lead to the old me, the morbidly obese woman I once was. The signs are there now, the Jen who is lacking in confidence. Instead of going out, I am feasting on a packet of biscuits. I have eaten more rubbish than I care to admit these last few months. The weight I am on the scales today is the end, I am going back down and I will be a size 6-8 once again.
My weight and my happy life
I am happy in my life but I need to become happy in myself once again. That means I need to eat properly again and stop stuffing my face! I did this once and I can do this again! I’m not a failure I succeeded once and I have significantly less to lose this time so I will do it again! I really hope you continue to read my blog and follow my journey as well as read all the other things I share. With my love of writing, I will always be as open and honest with my readers as I can! Please feel free to share this with anyone you know who is struggling so they know they are not alone. My story will never end.
Weight loss and Exercise Support
Have a good look around and see how I can help you achieve your weight loss goals. Request my free resources to get you started too!
Free gifts for you
Are you struggling to exercise, lose weight or feel good about yourself? The free resources and support programmes I have to help you might be just what you need! Check them out by clicking the image below!