I know many of my followers and readers found my blog due to my amazing weight loss of over 10 stone. Still, I can’t believe I did that, I lost over 10 stone in 15 months with 8 stone of that in 37 weeks. I kept it off for over a year. My story though will never end and here is why.
Of course, in that year I had ups and downs but I was never more than around half a stone away from my target weight. This year (2016/7) though things have changed.
I have struggled so I want to be honest and share this with you. I hope you understand and continue to follow my journey that will never end.
My weight loss
This photo is one I am probably most well-known for. It shows my weight loss transformation in my knickers and it is scary how dramatic the difference is, isn’t it?
I went from a size 30 approximately to a size 6-8. Honestly, I loved the new me and whilst some people would consider a 6-8 as too thin. I don’t think I looked too thin and was very comfortable in that size.
Maintaining my weight loss wasn’t too hard for the first year, I continued to follow Slimming World and eating healthily was my new lifestyle.
I didn’t miss my old life as a morbidly obese binge eater who would consume extortionate amounts of biscuits and eat out or order takeaway food every week!
How could anyone miss that? I went on holiday and loved being able to wear bikinis and feel amazing. My life had changed in other ways too I was happy with my partner Stuart and my son Ben.
Where it all went wrong
So what changed? In October 2016 when we came back from holiday, I had gained a bit of weight and stopped running so much.
I had done what many people do and enjoyed my holiday not worrying about the weight. The following month I struggled a lot more with my depression.
I started to comfort eat a bit more and the self-care went out of the window and weight crept on a little. The weather was pretty rubbish. I didn’t fancy going out running in the rain and feeling down didn’t motivate me.
Before I knew it we had Christmas, both I and Stuart fell into the trap of buying unhealthy snacks over Christmas with the plan of “getting back on it” in January.
We enjoyed drinks of Baileys, tubes of Pringles, boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine. We were happy, we had a lovely family over-indulgent Christmas and New Year. The weight just crept on though but of course, we were happy with each other and didn’t worry.
The New Year came and we drew the line other than the odd few meals out we have eaten on-plan healthy meals since. We all know it isn’t just the meals though, is it?
I tried to stay on plan but still sneaked the odd few extra snacks in. Every time I looked at myself though I was happy enough with what I saw. Whilst I had gained weight I still felt comfortable with myself so didn’t feel motivated to change.
Problems that contributed to my weight – a story that will never end
In around March, I decided to start running again. I had to build up gradually because I had not run for so long but I was keen to get running again, probably helped by the improvement in the weather!
It wasn’t meant to be though and problems with my asthma stopped me. Now we are in August and my asthma is much better but still not great.
I worry I won’t be able to run again. It has proved extremely difficult for the doctors to find medication to control my asthma effectively which has been hard to accept.
I have been getting quite depressed. I worry that my asthma will never be at a level I can run again. Additionally, I worry about various other things, all the things that are the foundations of my depression, it isn’t easy.
This has led me to comfort eat for a few months now. Sneaking bits in here and there. As my weight has therefore crept up I have hated myself more and more and it has been a downward spiral.
Throughout the months of comfort eating, I have continued to attend my Slimming World group and despite still gaining I know if I hadn’t kept going I would easily have gained more.
I am ashamed of what I have become, I hope as you are reading this you understand that I am only human and don’t judge me. Of course, I really never wanted to be like I am now again but the reality is I am.
How I feel now about my weight
Whilst I am currently around a size 12 and creeping into a 14. I guess I am still a long way away from how big I was when I started my weight loss journey.
Mentally I feel I am much closer than I actually am. The old habits have been creeping back in. I have been eating packs of flapjacks that are designed for a family all to myself.
Also, I have bought packets of biscuits and pigged out on those. I have been missing meals because I am so full of the junk I have been eating.
I need to stop, I need to be open and share with you all these struggles and also show that despite losing over 10 stone I am human too.
We all have the same struggles. I am going to take ownership of this now though and sort myself out. Realistically I can’t keep eating in secret and gaining weight.
I can’t keep hating myself because of the way I am heading. I am going back to old habits from years ago before I lost weight and I know where that will lead. It will lead to the old me, the morbidly obese woman I once was.
The signs are there now, the Jen who is lacking in confidence. Instead of going out, I am feasting on a packet of biscuits. I have eaten more rubbish than I care to admit these last few months. The weight I am on the scales today is the end, I am going back down and I will be a size 6-8 once again.
My weight and my happy life
I am happy in my life but I need to become happy in myself once again. That means I need to eat properly again and stop stuffing my face!
I did this once and I can do this again! I’m not a failure I succeeded once and I have significantly less to lose this time so I will do it again! I really hope you continue to read my blog and follow my journey as well as read all the other things I share.
With my love of writing, I will always be as open and honest with my readers as I can! Please feel free to share this with anyone you know who is struggling so they know they are not alone. My story will never end.
How are you doing now? I lost 3 stone but as soon as i had a blip over last christmas, my contol went. I need to lose a stone to go for bariatric surgery but i am not managing it! X
What do they say Jen? When you fall over, you get back up again? I think this metaphor can be used in lots of aspects in life, but especially weight loss. You'll totally do this again. And we'll be there to support you. Power to you lady x
I have just read your story and it has come at the best time as I have lost 3st 2 but since being transferred to a different job in January I have put around 10lb back on you yo yoing as I my new job is so stressful I am continuing to go to class and am seeing results off the scales but not on them so I am now at a loss weather to continue my group leader suggested I set my current weight as my target to take the pressure off as I still have 2st 7 to lose fir my actual target and I don't really want to stop going but can't seem to get my momentum back, so reading your story has really helped put things in perspective x do thanks any top you have would be greatly appreciated xxx
How honest and brave your are being Jen..this could well put you back on track by opening up. Don't be ashamed I've not done half as well as you and have recently had a laps down to issues with jacks autism and adhd it a been a struggle getting him assessed and I have over eaten stopped going to slimming world I've put on 6lb over last 8 weeks. I'm also about to start trying to get back on track too and your post have helped remind me We are all human and I can beat this and so will you again. Well done Jen you will get back to your goal your a strong lady and a very brave one. Wishing you all the best in the coming weeks and sending you love and friendship. We can do this all of us xx
Well done for writing this Jen. It shows you are only human which I love and even though I think you still look amazing now, I'm sure you'll be back where you want to be soon x
Well done for sharing this hun. You will be back where you want to in no time as you have done the hard part in acknowledging that you've gone off track a little bit. I still think you look amazing though and this post shows that you're only human which I love! X
You, are incredible. What you have achieved already is inspirational to so many…. and sharing your vulnerability allows the human compassion to flow to you. Keep being you, in all your awesomeness. x
Keep at it hun you will get back to your 6-8's just keep fighting for it and it will come
Brought a tear hun. U r amazing in every way possible. Love it honesty xxx
Bravo Jen! You ARE only human and now you know what to do xx
Well done for sharing. You can do this!
Well done Jen. Sometimes life takes us on a journey and we often detour. This a little detour for you. You are truly an inspiration to many and I am sure your are to your family. I am grateful that you continue to share your journey with us. Much love ❤️
You are an inspiration, not just for your weight loss, but for who you are!. Your journey and honesty has and will continue to inspire and help so many people.