The truth about losing weight in your 40s (and why it feels so hard)
I remember when losing weight seemed so much more straightforward. Not necessarily easy, because I don’t think I’ve ever found weight loss particularly easy, but at least I felt as though I knew what I needed to do. I’d make some changes to what I was eating, get myself into a routine and generally expect the scales to start moving in the right direction. These days, in my 40s, I sometimes feel like I could do exactly the same things and get completely different results, which is rather annoying when you think about it!
If you’re finding losing weight in your 40s harder than it used to be, I imagine you’ll understand what I mean. Perhaps you’ve noticed your weight creeping up despite not feeling as though you’re eating any differently, or maybe you’ve started trying to lose weight again and discovered that the enthusiasm you had twenty years ago has disappeared somewhere between work, family responsibilities and wondering what on earth you’re going to cook for dinner.
Having lost 10 stone in the past and subsequently regained some weight, I’ve had plenty of experience with both losing weight and trying to maintain it. I also know what it’s like to become so focused on the number on the scales that you forget there are other things going on in your life. Looking back, I can see that some of the things I thought were helping me lose weight weren’t particularly helpful for my relationship with food, and that’s something I’m much more conscious of now.
If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you’ll probably know that my relationship with weight loss has been anything but straightforward. I’ve written more about it in my weight loss story, including how I lost 10 stone and how my feelings about weight and healthy living have changed over the years. I think having actually been through such a big weight loss, rather than simply reading about it, has taught me a lot about what is realistic and what isn’t.
One thing I do want to reassure you about is that turning 40 doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly lost the ability to lose weight. There are some genuine changes that can happen as we get older, but there are also quite a few myths about metabolism and middle-aged weight gain that make everything sound much more hopeless than it really is. So, rather than telling you to eat lettuce, give up carbohydrates or start getting up at 5am to exercise, I thought I’d share what the research actually says alongside some of the things I’ve learnt from my own experiences.
Is It Really Harder to Lose Weight After 40?
I think the first thing we need to establish is that feeling as though weight loss has become more difficult doesn’t necessarily mean your body has suddenly stopped working properly. It’s very tempting to blame everything on your metabolism, especially when you reach an age where people start telling you that weight gain is inevitable, but the reality is a bit more complicated.
A large study published in the journal Science in 2021 looked at how much energy people use at different ages and found that, after accounting for body size and composition, energy expenditure remained relatively stable between the ages of 20 and 60. In other words, there’s no evidence that your metabolism suddenly falls off a cliff on your 40th birthday, even if it sometimes feels that way.
That doesn’t mean your daily calorie needs will necessarily be the same as they were when you were 25, because the amount of muscle you have, how active you are and even the way you spend your day can all make a difference. I know my life looks very different now from how it did when I was younger, and I suspect that’s true for most people.
For example, you might have spent your twenties walking everywhere, going out dancing at weekends and generally being on your feet much more than you realised. Now you might spend hours sitting at a desk, driving to places you used to walk to and finally collapsing on the sofa in the evening because you’re exhausted. None of those changes feels particularly dramatic, but they can add up over time.
I think that’s a much more useful way of looking at weight loss in your 40s than assuming your metabolism is broken and there’s nothing you can do about it.
If you’re interested in the science behind this, there’s a fascinating study published in the journal Science which looked at how energy expenditure changes throughout our lives. I found it particularly interesting because it challenges the idea that everything suddenly slows down as soon as we hit middle age. It certainly made me think differently about how much of my own weight loss struggles I could blame on getting older!
Muscle, Metabolism and Why Strength Training Is Worth Considering
One thing that does change as we get older is that we can gradually lose muscle mass and strength, particularly if we’re not regularly doing activities that challenge our muscles. This doesn’t mean that everyone over 40 is suddenly losing enormous amounts of muscle, but it is something worth being aware of, especially if you’ve spent years concentrating entirely on cardio whenever you want to lose weight.
I used to think exercise needed to involve getting out of breath, sweating and generally feeling as though I’d worked really hard. If I went for a gentle walk or did something that didn’t leave me exhausted, I almost felt as though it didn’t count. Looking back, that’s a rather strange way of thinking about something that’s supposed to be good for us, isn’t it?
Strength training can help maintain muscle, improve strength and support your overall health, and you don’t have to start lifting enormous weights to benefit. You could use resistance bands, light dumbbells or suitable exercises using your own body weight, depending on your fitness and mobility.
I wouldn’t suggest that building muscle is some magical way to make weight fall off, because the effect on the calories you burn at rest is often exaggerated. However, I do think there’s something quite nice about approaching exercise with the aim of becoming stronger rather than simply trying to burn off whatever you’ve eaten.
After all, being able to carry your shopping, get up from the floor comfortably or enjoy a day out without feeling exhausted matters far more in everyday life than whether you’ve managed to burn an extra fifty calories.
If the thought of lifting weights feels a bit intimidating, please don’t assume you need to join a gym or buy loads of equipment to get started. I’ve shared some exercise ideas for beginners, and there are plenty of ways to start building strength at home without making exercise another enormous job on your to-do list.
What About Perimenopause and Menopause?
If you’re a woman in your 40s, there’s another rather inconvenient complication that may be starting to make itself known, and that’s perimenopause. As if we haven’t already got enough to think about, our hormones can start changing at an age when many of us are juggling work, family life and a million other responsibilities.
Changes in oestrogen during perimenopause and menopause can affect where fat is stored, which is why some women notice that their waistline changes even when their overall weight hasn’t changed very much. There can also be changes in body composition, although the extent varies from person to person.
What I think is sometimes overlooked, though, is the impact of the other symptoms. If you’re waking up several times a night, feeling exhausted, dealing with mood changes or struggling with concentration, it’s hardly surprising that planning balanced meals and finding the motivation to exercise might feel more difficult.
It’s very easy for someone to tell you that you simply need more willpower when they aren’t the person lying awake at 3am, worrying about everything that needs doing the next day!
Of course, not every woman experiences menopause in the same way, and not every difficulty with weight loss in your 40s is caused by hormones. If you’re experiencing symptoms that are affecting your everyday life, it’s worth speaking to your GP rather than assuming you just have to put up with them.
If you’re wondering whether some of the changes you’ve noticed could be connected to perimenopause, the NHS guide to menopause is a really useful place to start. It explains the different symptoms you might experience and the support available, which I think is much more helpful than simply being told that gaining weight is something we all have to accept as we get older.
I Think We Underestimate How Much Life Changes in Our 40s
When I look back at my own experiences with weight loss, I think one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made is assuming that the same approach should work regardless of what’s happening in the rest of my life.
It’s all very well deciding you’re going to prepare every meal from scratch, exercise five times a week and get eight hours of sleep every night, but what happens when work gets busy, somebody in the family needs you, you’ve had a dreadful night’s sleep or you simply can’t face cooking another carefully planned dinner?
I work for myself, and one thing I’ve learnt is that there’s always something else I could be doing. If I’m not writing, updating my websites or dealing with emails, there’s usually something happening at home that needs my attention. I don’t have endless hours available to dedicate to meal preparation and exercise, and I imagine most people reading this don’t either.
Sometimes the difference between eating something balanced and ordering a takeaway isn’t a lack of knowledge about nutrition. It’s simply that you’re tired, you’re hungry and you haven’t got the energy to start cooking. I think advice about weight loss needs to recognise that rather than making people feel guilty about it.
Stress, poor sleep and changes in activity can all influence weight management, but I don’t think we need to turn every aspect of our lives into another thing to monitor. Sometimes it’s more helpful to look at what would make everyday life a little easier.
Could you keep a few simple meals in the freezer for busy evenings? Would a short walk during the day help you get away from your desk? Could you stop setting yourself an exercise routine that requires an hour you genuinely don’t have?
Those sorts of changes might not sound particularly exciting, but they’re often much more realistic than trying to completely overhaul your life every Monday morning.
What Actually Helps When You’re Trying to Lose Weight in Your 40s?
I wish I could tell you that there’s a particular food, exercise routine or clever trick that makes losing weight in your 40s suddenly easy, but if there were, I’m fairly sure we’d all know about it by now!
What I’ve found over the years is that the things which help most are often the fairly ordinary things we tend to overlook because they don’t promise dramatic results.
Eating Properly Rather Than Trying to Eat as Little as Possible
When I lost 10 stone, I became very focused on what I was eating and what the scales were doing. At the time, I thought that being stricter with myself would automatically lead to better results, but looking back, I can see that some of my habits weren’t particularly healthy.
There were times when I’d skip meals, ignore hunger or spend far too much time thinking about what I was and wasn’t allowed to eat. The problem with that approach is that food starts taking up an enormous amount of space in your head, and eventually it can feel as though you’re either doing everything perfectly or you’ve completely ruined the day.
I don’t want to go back to living like that, and I certainly wouldn’t encourage anyone else to do it.
These days, I think it’s much more sensible to concentrate on meals that are satisfying, reasonably balanced and enjoyable. Including foods such as eggs, beans, lentils, fish, chicken, tofu or yoghurt can help you get enough protein, while fruit, vegetables and wholegrains provide fibre and other nutrients.
You don’t need to stop eating potatoes because you’re 45, and you certainly don’t need to convince yourself that cauliflower rice is just as enjoyable as the real thing if you don’t actually like it. I know there are people who love cauliflower rice, but I’m not going to pretend it’s exactly the same as a lovely bowl of proper rice!
If you’re struggling to think of meals that are filling without being complicated, have a look through my healthy recipes for some inspiration. I much prefer having a few meals I know I’ll enjoy and can make without too much effort than following a strict meal plan that looks wonderful on paper but doesn’t fit into my actual life.
Finding Exercise You Don’t Absolutely Dread
I think one of the reasons so many people struggle to maintain exercise routines is that they choose something they think they should be doing rather than something they actually enjoy.
If you hate running, there’s no reason you have to become a runner. If the thought of going to a gym fills you with dread, there are plenty of other ways to be active. Walking, swimming, cycling, dancing, gardening and exercising at home can all be worthwhile.
If you’re not sure how much activity to aim for, the NHS physical activity guidelines for adults recommend at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity each week, alongside activities that strengthen your muscles on at least two days. That might sound quite a lot if you’re starting from scratch, but you can build up gradually, and you certainly don’t need to do it all in one go.
I think it’s far better to start with something manageable and keep doing it than decide you’re going to exercise for an hour every day, manage it for four days and then feel as though you’ve failed when life gets in the way.
I also like the idea of exercise being something we do because it makes us feel good or helps us stay healthy, rather than something we have to do to compensate for eating cake. There are enough things in life to feel guilty about without adding a slice of Victoria sponge to the list!
Taking Sleep Seriously Without Expecting Miracles
Sleep is another thing I didn’t give much thought to when I was younger. I was so focused on food and exercise that I rarely considered how tiredness might affect the choices I made throughout the day.
Now I notice it much more. When I’ve had a poor night’s sleep, I’m more likely to want something quick and easy to eat, I have less patience and the idea of exercising can seem considerably less appealing than sitting down with a cup of tea.
Poor sleep can influence appetite, energy and overall wellbeing, so it’s worth looking at whether anything could help you sleep better. That might mean adjusting your evening routine, getting advice about menopause symptoms or speaking to your GP if you’re regularly exhausted.
I wouldn’t want anyone to think that getting eight hours of sleep will automatically make them lose weight, though. It’s one part of looking after yourself, not another magic solution.
Accepting That Some Weeks Will Be Better Than Others
This is probably the biggest change in how I think about weight loss now compared with years ago.
I used to be very much an all-or-nothing person. If I was following a plan, I wanted to follow it perfectly, and if I ate something I hadn’t intended to, I’d feel as though I’d ruined everything. Sometimes that would lead to the familiar idea of starting again on Monday, which I’m sure plenty of people will recognise.
The trouble is that life doesn’t organise itself neatly around our weight loss plans. There will always be birthdays, holidays, busy weeks, illnesses and days when things don’t go as expected.
I think learning to carry on without punishing yourself for those moments is far more valuable than finding another strict set of rules to follow.
The Mistakes I’ve Made With Weight Loss as I’ve Got Older
I could probably write an entire book about the things I’ve tried over the years, some more successfully than others, but there are a few mistakes I think are particularly relevant to losing weight in your 40s.
The first is comparing yourself with the person you were years ago. I know I’ve done this, especially when I’ve looked back at how quickly I lost weight before and wondered why I couldn’t just do exactly the same thing again. But I’m not the same person I was then. My life has changed, my priorities have changed and, perhaps most importantly, I understand a lot more about the effect that restrictive eating can have on me.
Another mistake was giving the scales far too much importance. There were times when the number I saw in the morning could influence how I felt about myself for the rest of the day, even though that number couldn’t possibly tell me whether I was a good person, whether I’d been looking after myself or whether I’d achieved anything worthwhile.
I’ve written quite a lot about improving your confidence, because I know from experience that the number on the scales and how you feel about yourself don’t always go hand in hand. It’s something I’ve had to work on myself, and I think learning to be kinder to your body is just as important as any changes you make to your diet or exercise routine.
I’ve also been guilty of thinking that I needed to make enormous changes to get anywhere. I’d come up with ambitious plans involving lots of exercise, carefully organised meals and absolutely no room for anything unexpected, only to find that real life had other ideas.
Now I think I’d rather make a few changes that fit into my normal routine than spend another few weeks trying to live like someone who has no responsibilities and unlimited free time.
And perhaps the biggest lesson has been learning not to assume that struggling means I’m doing something wrong. Sometimes it means I need more support, a different approach or simply to stop expecting myself to achieve everything at once.
When Is It Worth Speaking to Your GP?
Although lots of people notice changes in their weight or body shape as they get older, it’s important not to assume that everything is automatically down to age or menopause.
If you’re gaining weight unexpectedly, experiencing unusual tiredness, noticing significant changes in your periods or struggling with other symptoms, it’s worth having a conversation with your GP. Certain medical conditions and medications can affect weight, and sometimes there may be something that needs investigating.
You can also ask about weight management support if you’re finding things difficult. Depending on your circumstances and what’s available locally, there may be services or treatments that could help.
I think it’s particularly important to remember that you don’t have to wait until you’re completely miserable or have tried every diet imaginable before asking for advice.
Frequently Asked Questions About Losing Weight in Your 40s
Is It Actually Harder to Lose Weight After 40?
It can feel harder, particularly if your activity levels, sleep, hormones or everyday responsibilities have changed. However, your metabolism doesn’t suddenly slow dramatically just because you’ve turned 40, and weight loss is still possible.
Can You Lose Weight at 45 or 47?
Of course! There’s no particular age when your body suddenly becomes incapable of losing weight. You may find that a different approach suits you better than the one you used when you were younger, but being in your 40s doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance.
Does Menopause Make You Gain Weight?
Menopause can be associated with changes in fat distribution and body composition, particularly an increase in fat around the abdomen. However, not everyone gains weight, and changes in activity, sleep and other factors can also play a part.
Should Women Over 40 Stop Eating Carbohydrates?
No. Bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and other carbohydrate-containing foods can all fit into a balanced diet. There’s no need to cut them out purely because of your age, and I’d be wary of any diet claiming otherwise.
Is Walking Enough Exercise After 40?
Walking is a great form of physical activity and can contribute towards the recommended amount of weekly exercise. It’s also worth including some muscle-strengthening activities if you’re able to, but you don’t need to do everything at once.
Is Intermittent Fasting Better for Weight Loss After 40?
Not necessarily. Some people find intermittent fasting suits their routine, while others find it leaves them overly hungry or encourages restrictive eating habits. There’s no need to use it if it doesn’t suit you, and it’s certainly not essential for losing weight.
What Is the Best Diet for Losing Weight in Your 40s?
I don’t think there’s one perfect diet for everyone. The most useful approach is usually one that provides enough nourishment, fits your lifestyle and allows you to enjoy your food without feeling as though you’re constantly starting again.
My Thoughts on Losing Weight in Your 40s
I think one of the strangest things about getting older is realising how much time we’ve spent worrying about things that perhaps didn’t deserve quite so much of our attention. I’ve spent years thinking about my weight, trying different approaches, celebrating losses and feeling frustrated when things didn’t go to plan, and I know I’m not the only one.
Losing 10 stone was a huge achievement for me, but it didn’t mean I suddenly had everything figured out. I’ve regained some weight, I’ve had to rethink how I approach food and exercise, and I’ve learnt that being healthy isn’t quite as simple as following a set of rules until you reach a particular number.
I also think it’s important to remember that our 40s aren’t supposed to be a punishment for getting older. We shouldn’t have to spend the entire decade trying to make ourselves look like we did at 25, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight while also accepting that our bodies and lives have changed.
If you’re finding weight loss difficult at the moment, I’d encourage you to think about what would genuinely make your life better rather than what might make the scales move fastest. Perhaps that’s eating more regularly, finding exercise you enjoy, improving your sleep or simply being a little less critical of yourself.
After everything I’ve learnt over the years, I think I’d much rather have a way of eating and living that makes me happy than spend the next twenty years constantly trying to get back to a version of myself that no longer exists.
