Spending Money on Yourself Without Guilt: A Simple Guide New
We’ve all been there. You buy a nice coffee on the way to work, or perhaps a new top that caught your eye in the sale. For a moment, you feel great. But then, almost immediately, that sinking feeling hits your stomach.
Is it regret? Is it panic? No, it’s the dreaded money guilt of spending money on yourself.
It is incredibly common to feel bad about spending money on yourself, especially when the cost of living is high. You might think that every spare penny should go into savings, towards the kids, or onto the mortgage. But living a life where you never treat yourself isn’t sustainable, and it certainly isn’t fun.
The truth is, looking after your own happiness is just as important as paying the electric bill. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as they say. This guide will help you understand why that guilt appears and give you practical steps to banish it for good, so you can enjoy spending money on yourself.
Why do we feel guilty about spending?
Before we fix the problem, it helps to understand it. Why does buying a simple book or a takeaway make us feel like we’ve committed a crime?
For many of us, it comes from a “scarcity mindset”. If you grew up watching your parents struggle with money, or if you have had debt problems in the past, your brain might be wired to think that spending money on yourself equals danger.
According to the NHS, money worries can have a huge impact on our mental health, causing anxiety and low mood. When we are anxious, we often become overly strict with ourselves. We convince ourselves that “wants” are frivolous or selfish.
But treating yourself isn’t selfish; it’s a form of self-care. It helps you recharge, which actually makes you better at handling the stressful parts of life.
The secret is having a plan
The main reason we feel guilty is uncertainty. When you tap your card, a little voice asks, “Can we actually afford this?” or “What if the car breaks down next week?”
The best way to silence that voice is to have a plan. If you know the bills are covered, and the savings are sorted, you can spend what is left without a single worry.
The 50/30/20 Rule
A popular method for this is the 50/30/20 rule. HSBC explains that this is a simple way to divide your income:
- 50% for Needs: These are your essentials like rent, mortgage, food, and bills.
- 30% for Wants: This is your guilt-free fun money for spending money on yourself. Eating out, hobbies, Netflix, or that coffee.
- 20% for Savings/Debt: Money for your future or paying off what you owe.
By giving yourself permission to use that 30% for spending money on yourself (or whatever percentage works for your budget), you are creating a “safe zone” for spending. You aren’t stealing money from your bills; you are using money that has been specifically assigned for fun.
Practical steps for spending money on yourself guilt-free
Ready to start treating yourself? Here are some practical ways to get your finances organised so you can start spending money on yourself with confidence.
1. Know your numbers
You cannot relax if you don’t know what is going on in your bank account. The first step is to write everything down.
If you aren’t sure where to start, check out this guide on how to keep track of bills. It covers simple methods, like using a spreadsheet or a notebook, to list your direct debits and due dates. Once you see it all on paper, the “what ifs” in your head will quieten down.
You can also use the free Budget Planner from MoneyHelper to get a clear picture of your finances.
2. Use ‘Sinking Funds’ for bigger treats
Sometimes we feel guilty because the purchase feels too big for a single month’s pay cheque. This is where “sinking funds” come in.
A sinking fund is just a pot of money you save up gradually for a specific purpose. It makes spending money on yourself feel easier. Want a spa weekend or a new console? Put away £10 or £20 a month. By the time you buy it, the money is already there, sitting and waiting for you. It feels less like a splurge and more like a reward you have earned.
3. Start with small, budget-friendly treats
If spending money still makes you nervous, start small. You don’t need to book a holiday to feel better.
There are plenty of budget-friendly ways to treat yourself that cost very little. It could be upgrading your morning tea to a fancy brand, buying fresh flowers for £1, or just taking the time to read a book in a tidy corner of your home. These small acts remind you that you are worth looking after.
4. Separate your money
One of the best psychological tricks is to physically separate your “fun money”.
When you get paid, move your bills money into one account, your savings into another, and leave your spending money in a separate pot (or withdraw it as cash). When you look at that specific pot, you know exactly how much you have left to enjoy. If there is £50 in there, you can spend £50. Zero guilt required.
What if I have debt?
This is a tough one. Should you really be buying treats and spending money on yourself if you owe money on credit cards or loans?
While it is important to tackle debt, living on a “financial crash diet” often fails. If you cut out every single joy, you might eventually snap and overspend on something huge out of frustration.
It is usually better to budget a small, modest amount for yourself, even if it’s just £5 or £10 a week, to keep your spirits up by still spending money on yourself while you pay down your debt.
However, if your debt is keeping you up at night and you can’t see a way out, treating yourself might not be the priority right now. In that case, look into debt management solutions to help you regain control. Once you have a clear path forward, the guilt will start to fade.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it selfish to spend money on myself when I have a family?
Not at all. Think of the safety advice on an aeroplane: you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. If you are stressed, resentful, and burnt out because you never treat yourself, you won’t be able to support your family as well as you could. A happy, rested parent or partner is a better one.
How much “fun money” should I have?
There is no single right answer. The 50/30/20 rule suggests 30% of your income, but for many people in the UK right now, that might be too high. Start with what you can afford. Even 5% or 10% is better than nothing. The key is that the amount is planned, not accidental.
I still feel bad after buying something. What should I do?
Try to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking “I just lost £20,” think “I just exchanged £20 for a lovely experience/item that makes me happy.” Remind yourself that you budgeted for this. You aren’t being reckless; you are following your plan and spending money on yourself.
Conclusion
Spending money on yourself doesn’t have to come with a side order of guilt. By getting clear on your budget, setting up sinking funds, and separating your “wants” from your “needs,” you can silence that critical voice in your head.
Remember, money is a tool to help you live a life you enjoy, not just a way to pay bills until you die. So go on, buy that coffee, book that ticket, or get that new book. You have earned it.
Could you start spending money on yourself more often? Let me know in the comments below.
